My hidden agenda is to make you think I have a hidden agenda.

When Life Gives You Lemons Bumper Sticker

Goddess knows it must seem like I'm wildly concerned with selling you stuff lately. Well, I kinda wish the explanation was the obvious - but obviously, if I were that good at selling shit people didn't really need to buy I would have no time to blog at all.

The point is far closer to this: that in order to do what I should to - blog - I have to pretend to myself that the whole point to it is to sell you crap you don't actually need, while at the same time, making crap that on some level is crap that you actually do need to see, and internalize as a message, whether or not you literally buy it, and indeed, whether or not it's even salable crap.

At this particular point in time, I'm actually drunk enough to say that out loud. I'm not going to actually hit post until I'm sober enough to ensure that veritas is enhanced by vino, but I'm honest enough to know that brutal self-honesty requires a little support from time to time.

That probably sounds like whining - but it's so very not. And therein lies the point.

I am first and foremost a visual thinker. On my best days, I am able to translate my visualizations into words fairly seamlessly. But some days, I need to indulge the thought that there is a "Hidden Agenda," and thereby explain why it is you should relate to the message and/or concept I've squeezed onto a product. In reality, the only thing I've ever needed to hide about my agenda is how badly I suck at hiding it.. :P

Drunk, sober or stoned; I'm afraid with me that what you see is what you get. It takes a great deal of ethanol to overcome my training to dissemble, to imply there is something unspecified and attractive hiding in the depths, to cater to your inexplicable neurotypical belief that every human motive is really cloaked in the the semblance of moral rectitude.

No, with me, the real deception has always been this - the learned practice of implying that there is a hidden, deeper motive to what it is that I do. In particular, I've learned that it's far more acceptable to have an apparently poorly concealed motive to make a relatively honest buck at your expense than to admit the fact that money itself is a damn poor motivator for me.

Understanding as I do that for most people, money IS important, and that it translates well to applause, I can start to ask for value for value fpr that which I do that I consider valuable.

But I will tell you something right now that I suspect strongly applies to all artistic personalities (or there would be no market for agents) - the idea of an artistic work of mine being inherently valuable is not just alien, it's frightening.

You see, like most children, I desperately wanted to do the things my parents did. And my father was an Irish traveling salesmen. No, wait, it gets better - he was a disabled, NORTHERN Irish traveling, RACIST salesman.

How did he get disabled? The official stories vary, from jumping off a load of plywood and landing the wrong way to far too many years driving a jeep too fast over dirt roads.

Me, I think he said the wrong thing to the wrong people thinking that he was safe saying it because of a similarity of skin color, or a common interest in other bigotries - and got the crap beat out of him. Goddess knows there were ten thousand times the thought occurred to me and in point of fact, I never actually met anyone who met him twice that looked forward to the third time.

Well, you might imagine how well emulating my father worked out for me. To give me credit, I never even tried to emulate his social skills. But, to underline my lack of clue - it never once occurred to me that social skills were what it took to sell things to people who could do without those things. Looking back my father was a salesman in the way I'm a writer and an artist, an intuitive genius.

...yeah, I know how that sounds. Bear with me for a moment, it's not the brag it you might think it is. And my point is that he could not "pass on his trade" any more than than I could.

In my experience, "genius" always involves a trade-off. Some brains, some people, some minds are just more specialized than others, and when they are digging into their best thing, they are of course seen as brilliant. Even if they can't manage basic hygiene, or figure out how to match their socks.

People, like my father and like myself, need to realize that they need other people who are neither blessed nor afflicted with that spark of genius - because whether it is a blessing or an affliction really is not largely up to us.

You see, I'm not neurotypical. Neither was my father. I'm a multiple personality and an autistic or if you prefer, an artist - and my father was, depending on what terms you prefer, a sociopath or a salesman.

People like me and my father are far more dependent than we would like to pretend on the quality and the advice of our enablers.

You know how I know that?

Let me introduce you to my mother.

And at this point, let me tell you something. I do "honor my mother and father." Like most folks do, they did the best they could with the tools at hand, according to the customs and assumptions of the day. Unfortunately for them, neither of them was the sort of person for which the customs and assumptions of the day would lead to good results for me. Both would have been better off as unmarried, child-free "free thinkers."

Neither of them could or would make that leap. And it does neither of them any honor at all to pretend they were any good at trying to be what they were not, or pretend that they should have tried in the first place, even though that trial resulted in Yours Truly.

I'd like to take credit for the moral fortitude of my own choices - but I'm afraid that like most folks and certainly my parents, the majority of my moral fortitude is revisionist hindsight; one part rebellion, two parts incapacity, three parts ex post facto rationalization of things that worked out well despite best parental advice.

You see, my mother was a photographer and an adventurer who's courage failed. I grew up being bored and unintentionally inspired by the photos she took while being a courageous free spirit in post-war Japan. But, she was female, and she thought that mattered more than her talents or muse.

But perhaps even more importantly was the fact that she was NOT a teacher. She was an adventurer, a free spirit, a "not teacher" born into a family of really amazingly good intuitive teachers. Alas, that is also a calling that far too many think of as a profession or a trade. In a sense, it's true. Many people can overcome a lack of native ability by training, in the same way that one may not be born to be a seal, but can learn to swim.

My mother was capable of teaching in exactly the same way that a cat is capable of swimming.

But ultimately, her family thought that becoming a teacher was a safer and more rational choice than exploring that which she actually was. I am, in large part, the product of her regrets, and that is which I honor. Had she followed her muse and her real nature, I doubt very much that I would have been born at all. She certainly would not have married my father. In all honesty, I suspect that her sexuality was as lesbian as it gets. Apparently even lesbians marry their daddies if they are forced to pick a man, just as men tend to marry their mommies, if the same applies.

You see, her father was a traveling salesman, who, having realized his mistake, rarely came home. What a rude shock it must have been, then, for my father to spend most of his marriage with her living on bile and disability. (Note illustration.)

You see, each of us are the sum of every bit of luck and every choice of every ancestor we have, unto the seventh generation. It is amazing to me how many people read the Bible religiously - as did my mother - and the more religiously they take it, the more wildly they miss the point.

In point of fact and experience, the Christian Bible, and in exactly the same way, the sacred texts of all other religious traditions, are the distilled common sense of those who learned the hard way, and you, as the reader, have to understand that in order to profit from it. For not only does it matter that these people "know better" than you do, it also matters WHY.

And for that matter, unless you have been in the anaougous shoes of the people who write scripture, it's not that easy to intuitively discern that "why" part.

Let me give you an example; "Saul of Taris." As much as we know about Saul, or as he was later known, Paul, most of what we should understand remains unspoken, in large part because Paul himself took it for granted.

Saul, you see, was a jew. But he was also a Roman Citizen and a tax collector. There are very few tax collectors who make even the slightest ripple in history, much less create large bodies of art, scripture or literature. In all probability, Saul of Tarsus was a tax collector even as was his father before him. The problem was, Saul was not born to be a tax collector; he had either a lack of the proper inclinations and skills, too much empathy, or somehow his sexuality (which many presume to be gay, though I'm only willing to go as far as "not ordinarily heterosexual") collided in some hideous and personally unresolvable way with his sense of self.

Been there, done that, MADE the T-Shirt!

Paul one of the most hideous and best recorded nervous breakdowns in all of history. Fortunately for him. Unfortunately for us, he spent the rest of his life trying to explain and or blame that breakdown as being the fault and/or responsibility of other people.

If prophets were perfect people, they'd never be foolish enough to be in that position in the first place.

The thing to learn from Paul is NOT what he thinks you should do - but rather to learn the things you should avoid in order to not suffer as Paul did. Paul himself did not understand that, even giving an extraordinarily sharp mind, so we may all forgive ourselves for being a little unclear on that point ourselves. Aside from that, as my entire life history attests, knowing what does NOT work is not a great deal of help in knowing what will work.

Save, of course, at times like this.

There are cusps and moments in history where everything is going to change and no common-sense assumption based on history or tradition (absent a full understanding of the reasons for making that rule of thumb in the first place ) will work. While human nature will guide the outcome in all cases, we as human beings seem to have little ability to understand our own nature or the governing needs and drives of others; most especially in the cases where the underlying, unstated and unconscious natures of other persons differ from our own.

Right now in these times, as Alvin Toffler's worst nightmares come true in our laps, wallets and personal lives, knowing what used to work is a somewhat useless thing. The only reliable guide is the ability to usefully extrapolate from a negative result, because the only thing that can be predicted as the rate of change goes vertical is that whatever works right now will probably not work tomorrow, with an increasingly short window of opportunity for any workable solution.

By preference and inclination, I'm a Conservative - but in practice and of necessity I've had to apply my conservatism to ideas and approaches that seem wildly radical to any person not so blessed as I with such a mixture of functional distinction and practical wisdom.

I don't think of myself as being therefore wiser than the average bear, nor do I "look down upon" most folks. But I am increasingly thinking of myself as a niche commodity with increasing application.

And thank you, my dear readers, for your support. :P

T-Shirtus Interruptus

I did this image in response to a comment suggesting I make this saying of mine into a t-shirt.

Well, of course I did, and I want to brag about it, because it's a damn fine shirt, if I do say so myself. More to the point, it' s really to the point, and it's a great graphic for me - and maybe even other people - to use this month.

Or it would be, if you could link to it at all without being logged in as me. You see, it's not been published yet. It took an unusually long time for this design to be approved, but not as long as might be implied by this belated update. So please take all the bitching below with a grain of salt. The reason why this post has not been completely rewritten is that in doing so that I might lose the point - that zazzle is still the best t-shirt site for bloggers as the graphic is immediately available, whether or not the design is ultimately approved. Yes, you may have to use a screen-shot utility. Even so, it's still faster than photoshop.

Now, I use both approaches. But the fact is, if I need to create a design for a post that I'm half-way through writing, this is still the fastest way to do it.

What Part Of flapflapflap ARRRGHH....
by

webcarve

Get this custom shirt
at Zazzle

One of my biggest reasons for using Zazzle is because I can quickly combine text and stored graphic to create a design that I can then quickly use in a blog post. And usually it works that way. The fact that it's also available as a T-Shirt is not beside the point - but it's at least one click below that point. I've sold very few shirts that were specifically created as blog-post illustrators. But in terms of graphics storage and creating interesting, human illustrations in just a few minutes, nothing could be better. Or, at least, not until yesterday. I had to generate a screenshot of the product and then upload it. This means I could have just done it in photoshop, with better tools, or via flikr, or Picassa or what-have you.

Yes, I am bitching. Zazzle has been particularly slow in approving designs of late; I dunno why, but of course, it's always possible that politics is rearing it's ugly head. Or possibly they are trying to screen out hate speech - though it reportedly took 72 hours to publish an abstract graphic done by Seachild001, another Zazzler, so I don't know. I don't know what could have been the holdup there.

I often recommend Zazzle as a simple way of getting graphics that are specifically relevant to a post on unshakable grounds of fair use. All you have to do is paste the code in, then leave the linked graphic where you want it and move the link text to the bottom of the post as an attribution. It's fair use, and you might even make a 7% referral fee if someone likes the product and it saves a lot of time. You get an appropriate, topical graphic for a blog post, the creator is properly cited, Zazzle gets linkage, and nobody has any reason to feel grumpy or misused.

None of that is affected by this current apparent glitch, but I really much prefer creating my own graphics. It's selfish pride, really; I admit it. But also, it's not all that likely I'm going to find a relevant graphic for one of my posts.

Yes. I know. I'm that strange.

But it means I cannot rely on being able to do a graphic on the fly, and that really annoys me.

That's it. That's all I got.

I'm REALLY having trouble blogging today - or yesterday, or the day before. Why? Because the news is SUCH crap.

And WHY is the news such crap?

SHOW THE FUCK UP!

STOP by webcarve Get this custom shirt at Zazzle

Rapid Response Politics.

Ron Paul, Politics and Zazzle.

Our Future is a Nightmare!
by
webcarve

Get this custom shirt at Zazzle

No, this is not a commercial post. Not that I'd mind if you bought one of my shirts, of course. This is far more about the fact that I can make Ron Paul shirts - or any other shirts - on impulse. In my case, the impulse was actually selling this Ron Paul shirt via Zazzle. Which was very cool, and of course caused me to click through to zazzle - and I hadn't done that for a couple of weeks.

Well, they have revised the whole user interface - and I was able to create and publish the design you see above by "customizing" an existing shirt in under ten minutes. If I had been unconcerned about keywords and had been sure about the new text, it would have been about three. And now they have a "zoom" feature that does amazing things to show off detailed designs like mine - so the artist in me is VERY happy with it. Check out both designs to see how well the new system works.

Ok, now start your own store. Why? Because this is not just about selling t-shirts, or even particularly about selling at all. This is about rapid response political speech. It's the way Citizen-Driven politics can counter the massive media and money advantage that backers of the Rudy McClinton's. Whether you support Ron Paul, Dennis Kucinich or Mike Gravel, there's no reason to give up. Get online and make stuff happen - because at the very least, you can get enough eyeballs to see the right name and generate enough curiosity to get your candidate heard.

You see that slogan up there, with the graphic? Done the conventional way, with focus groups and marketing consultants and everything else, just generating the idea for that image - the campaign, completely aside from any media buys or any actual material objects, could easily eat up a hundred grand.

But it's my idea - it's why I am voting for him - and he doesn't have to approve of it to benefit. Now, imagine a thousand people each selling a few shirts and giving the idea itself to a few thousand others. Don't give money - donate a little time, thought and effort independently, while facing the disturbingly capitalistic idea that you might make some actual money.

Now, my Ron Paul "correct" shirt is an example of one way to go about it - I don't give the consumer any option with the image and message. But the newer one at top has text on front and back that can be customized. And that is why Zazzle is currently my first choice for online political efforts of this sort - because you have the opportunity to get a shirt up, published and linked the very day something happens, and the first orders will be on people's backs within three.

That's a killer app for politics - and pop culture in general.

Cafepress T-shirt sale reminds me, I need at least 4 new shirts!

The timing on this sale could not be better - I've worn my favorite designs to death. My "No Whining" shirts are especially threadbare and stained, and I really want to get one of my cool new metallic versions on black or dark colors.

Now, you might think of this as a commercial post. I'll admit, there's an overlap, but this post is what I am gonna buy. This is actually sparked by something Randi Rhodes said some months back, talking to people who felt that they "couldn't do anything" about the way things are going in this country. They either couldn't afford to donate to a cause, or didn't have the time to get involved, or really didn't see how either thing could make a difference.

She said, at the very least, you can wear a t-shirt! If you are a social sort of person, if you like shopping, if you go to the mall or the movies, put on a shirt that takes a stand and wear it. Yes, it takes some guts. You might endure some rude stares, maybe even rude questions about your patriotism. But that's the whole idea. Have some answers ready to go. Remember, if you are wearing your message to a mall during peak hours, it could be seen by hundreds, even thousands of people. That, folks, is something. It's something very important, because it said you, personally find this message important enough to be seen in public.

This design is one that I have had some real success with: On the back, it says "surefire exit strategy: send chickenhawks, not body armor."

This speaks to my strongest reason to not support the war; the loudest supporters are the farthest behind the lines.

I'm absolutely sick of the obvious fact that those who stand to gain the most from this illegal, immoral and misrepresented "war on terror" are the last ones to go and put their pink butts on the line for it. Could it be because they know how little such sacrifices matter, in the end? Could it be that they understand that it's intent is to cripple the ability of the states to defend themselves from the Federal government? The fed can hire endless numbers of mercenaries using a bottomless purse filled with debt-based currency, while the states cannot, and currently rely on the Pentagon for rcrutment and pay. Hm. There might be a problem there...

Or could it be that they are just fine with it because it's a Republican war, they have Republican connections, so "rocking the boat" is bad for business - but sending off the second son isn't any good for it, either.

Anyway, it's some combination of greed, evil and complacency, and I won't stand for it. The only people I will suffer to tell me about my duty to "support the troops" or argue the merits of the war on terror have an Iraq Combat Ribbon.

Now, I like to create shirts that support my views from the moral and political high ground. When it comes to high ground on both fronts, it's hard to argue with Thomas Jefferson, at least when he's speaking of the Constitution and the duties of the citizenry.

This shirt combines an elegant design with some very pointed words:

I hold that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing, and is as necessary in the political world as storms are in the physical.

I intend to wear this proudly, as a patriot who is deadly serious about his duty to question authority with the annoying persistence of a three-year-old.

Or you might prefer the version that says this:

When the government fears the people there is liberty; when the people fear the government there is tyranny." -Thomas Jefferson

I'm too old, too fat and too slow to even bother to arm myself against the eventuality of joining a militia, as defined under the Second Amendment. But when it comes to the First Amendment, I can snipe with the best. And in a very direct way, these shirts are ammunition in what the "other side" has branded a "Culture War" with the intent of imposing a theocracy that will literally outlaw everything even vaguely fun, and any and all speech that's critical of our new churchstate, it's leadership and Prophets. Or is that Profits?

Ok, this one is a zazzle shirt - so I only have two for the Cafepress sale. But this one can be customized with your own blog url on either front, back or both; you can even upload your own graphics. So I really wanted to mention that, in context. If you do that, please link to this post AND upload an image to Zazzle showing your cool new shirt!

I'm seriously thinking of turning it into a graphic for a blogroll if there's any interest.

Ok, well, lets see, what else do I want. Well, I want one of these.

"My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities." Albert Einstein.

You might not think of that as political, but it defines my politics. My views of social justice and ethics are not dependant upon who my frends are, where I go to church or what party I'm affiliated with. I have Asperger's syndrome, and in as an innofensive way as possible, I'd like you to know that your views on these matters don't matter a tinker's damn to me.

It's not you, really. It's my own unique mental wiring.

I damn well adore this feature of my mind. It makes it a hell of a lot easier to be ethical. For instance, it doesn't bother me a bit to shed a friendship over a point of principle. I don't need to "belong" to a group or a cause to feel complete, so I don't have any problem dissociating myself when they go sour.

You won't ever find ME changing my principles to fit my audience and the fortunes of political correctness, unlike Rudy Giuliani, Mitt Romney or Hillary Clinton - just off the top of my head. One in 166? Only? Clearly we need to breed...

Ok, well, there's the Aspergers keyword for the day, so on to the next shirt. I desperately need a new "no whining" shirt. This one has a newer design and it's BLACK! Woot!
Best of all, it's something everyone agrees on. (Even those who whine incessently themselves.)

Me, when I think of "wining," I think of Bill O'Rielly, and the sort of "Christian" who feels "persecuted" by "happy holidays" signs at Wal-Mart, or grumblings about restrictions on hate speech directed at gays, single mothers and people who believe in abortion choice. Apparently, within the tiny little abscesses they call "brains," they consider it to be a religious right to say that "faggots should be killed" or that "abortion doctors should be hunted down and killed" or that "godless liberals" should be "hung."

This is whining. Aside from hate speech, it's whining, and an admission that none of these "Core Christian Values" are gaining any ground in the marketplace of ideas - even with mainstream Christians. Nope, when you start trying to intimidate and terrorize people into compliance, it means your rational arguements - well, maybe they aren't as rational as you thought. So resorting to hate speech is whining and winging. It's a childish temper tantrum, really. It's a demand of "If you don't let me win, I'm going to hit you/"

I won't let children get away with this, and I've no reason to let grown up, so-called Christians get away with it either. The only difference is that children really don't expect to get away with that tactic if there are any grownups around.

tag: cafepress, t-shirts, sales, black t-shirts, dark t-shirts, activism, political, rude, anti-bush, anti-dominionist

Free Ads for your blog or t-shirt site

Would you like an ad this size on a high-traffic website for a year - for free? I don't know about you, but my first reaction is "duh," and the next is "what's the catch?"

Well, as long as you don't mind your ad being shown below the paid ads - there IS no catch. Depending on your keywords, it might not matter a damn whether you pay or not. Full disclosure - I'm getting a bump on the site for blogging about it, but I probably would have done so anyway, as I generally do when something new shows up in my template. And the bump is available to you as well. I mean, how else do they make it a useful resource?

I can use their RSS feed widget to gain links for my site that are highly relevant to my site by keyword. And just incidentally, they have a referral program.

You can reserve your ad for as long as you like - I chose a year. You are able to update it as often as you like. The concept is very similar to the whole "million dollar home page" concept, but its - well, it's bigger, and a lot more flexible, providing what amounts to a visual search engine by keyword.

I honestly have to say - you should be using it, and you should be talking about it, even if you have nothing to "sell" but your own blog. Right now, that's the single most important category, anyhow.

The reason I stumbled upon it is that I was casting about for scripts to start my own pixil page ad site - not so much for pay, as to create a simple way of managing link images for my site - you know, all those damn chicklets, served up with one bit of code. A script is a lot easier to manage than editing html, which is what I have to do right now. And potentially, even something of an art project.

But that's for another day. I got distracted by this, so I'm gonna go play with it some more.

Shiny thing.

Beware the Jelllyfish of Doom!

Following up What if they grew teeth: I created this gallery at Zazzle so I could have an image to go with the post. I mean, face it, it needs illustration!

You're in Today's Best!

Hi rapexsa,

view product promote online share by email

Congratulations! Your product, Beware the Jellyfish of Doom!, has been selected as one of Today's Best on Zazzle! This means it will appear on the Zazzle homepage for the rest of today and it will also be added to the Todays Best Awards Showcase. Keep up the great work! Bask. Glow. The honor is yours to enjoy. -Zazzle

Well, this morning I was inspired by the schaudenfreud of it all, thinking about the excuses men willl make to explain their new "track marks" to loved ones after returning from the ER in Joberg. And I'd already been struck by it's appearance - frankly, it looks a lot like a jellyfish. So I started playing, and I got a today's best!

I don't know if you can read the tentacles, but here's what they say:

Really, darling, It's true! I was bitten by a jellyfish! Why don't you believe I was bitten by a jellyfish?

tag: zazzle, bob king, rapex, jellyfish of doom

The Sainted Barry Goldwater

In your heart, you know he's pissed!
by
webcarve

Get this custom poster at Zazzle

I created this after writing a post about Barry Goldwater and some of his "surprisingly liberal" views. They aren't liberal at all, and neither was he; he believed in the Constitution as the rock on which proper American Conservatism is founded upon.

"When you say 'radical right' today, I think of these moneymaking ventures by fellows like Pat Robertson and others who are trying to take the Republican Party away from the Republican Party, and make a religious organization out of it. If that ever happens, kiss politics goodbye." - Barry Goldwater

If you'd like to steal this image (as shown) - go right ahead. As everything on this blog that's mine, it's covered under an attribution license, so give me a link and I will be content.

Of course, if you'd like to spread a few of these around your home town - zazzle offers very attractive discounts for multiple copies.

UPDATE: For those coming from searches for "Barry Goldwater T-Shirts" - here's mine.

In your heart, you know he's pissed!
by
webcarve

Get this custom shirt at Zazzle

tag: Senator Barry Goldwater, conservative, republican, politics, principles, Political Ads