Showing posts with label Fun for All. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fun for All. Show all posts

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Arabic Phrases that could Save Your Life!

OK, not really. But laughter really IS the best medicine for PTSD. Take my word for it - it's one of the few things in Reader's Digest that's inarguably true, other than the fine print in the hemorrhoid ads.


"Don't Shoot! I'm voting for Obama!" and "Don't Shoot! I'm Voting for Ron Paul!"

"Support the Troops" yellow ribbons are about as funny as the crutches they don't buy. Send a bunch of these to Iraq and you buy some guys a moment of laughter. That's better than all the Faux Patriotism you could possibly slap on the ass of your car.

These stickers come with real adhesive. Magnets are for people who want to be able to change their minds.


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Thursday, April 24, 2008

A child after my own heart. And lungs.

You see what all you uppity snooty sorts miss when you don't accept advertising? Check out "Contemplating Rieko" from "Tainted Ink."


Darkling is jealous. When does SHE get a comic strip of HER own? All we have is the shop. :P
(and do check out Rieko's loot. I didn't see this one on a t-shirt, though. I want it, and I have cafecash that says I can have it. Work with me here.


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Thursday, March 06, 2008

Never Dicksize a Lesbian!

This is the first time I've ever created a t-shirt to illustrate someone else's blog!

Amanda writes at Pandagon:

I celebrated the new-found legality of female masturbation in the state of Texas. One should never underestimate the lengths to which wingnuts will go to control female sexuality. The Texas AG Greg Abbott, who apparently has nothing better to do than to separate women from their dildos, has asked the 5th Circuit Court to rehear the sex toy case.

I’m trying to imagine the mindset of a man who doesn’t realize that when you try to take dildos away from women, basically everyone with a brain and/or a sense of humor is going to assume it’s because you’re afraid you can’t handle the competition.

It's the commentators who take it over the top and down the other side into the "enemy trenches." So to speak.

The depth of penetrating analysis had me rolling in the aisles, and a phrase that's been kicking around my head for ages had to be used.

I have no idea whether Amanda is a lesbian, by the by. It's simply a truism that those who would not laugh until they pee at this post, and of course Texas by extention, probably assumes so.

And that's where the funny lives. (click for punchline)


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Friday, February 08, 2008

Fox News Documentary: Bush is SO like Abraham Lincoln

Baghdad Bob Sez: I heart Fox News!



read more | digg story


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Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Aggravated Gun Fondling Caught on Tape

From Texas, naturally.



Texas Police officer walking away from a successful arrest is shown shooting himself due to fondling his Taser. It's far funner than if it had been his Glock - but one wonders if he should be carrying either weapon!


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Thursday, December 27, 2007

A Dispatch from Second Life

A delightfully sarcastic little video...


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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Having just Re-Read The Tao, I become Yodafied.

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?


Today, I found it important to remind myself of the Tao.

8

The supreme good is like water,
which nourishes all things without trying to.
It is content with the low places that people disdain.
Thus it is like the Tao.

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.

When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.



Then I stumbled across a silly blogmeme, and found that in reading the Tao, I had become Yodified.

A venerated sage with vast power and knowledge, you gently guide forces around you while serving as a champion of the light.

Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not - for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminescent beings are we, not this crude matter! You must feel the Force around you, everywhere.

Yoda is a is a character in the Star Wars universe. More Yoda information is available at the Star Wars Databank.


Finding my great thoughts mirrored in the mundane and trivial, I feel validated in a zen kinda way.


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Madison Avenue has been Automated

generated by sloganizer.net


Sloganizer.net - Instant slogans with our slogan generator.:

The magic of the internet strikes again:

In days of yore, large firms on Madison Avenue used to actually pay people to sit around tables and "brainstorm" slogans such as this program generates randomly, no doubt using some simple table lookup system. Now, such simple tools have been available to even the half-bright since the first PET computer appeared on the market, but of course, one would traditionally secrete a printout of the best slogans in one's briefcase before the client meeting.

Nobody ever imagined a day when such tools might come to the awareness of the client! Horrors! Sacrelidge! The End of the Gravy Train! I mean, how can a wealthy public awareness firm provide it's staff with Eames chairs and Gucchi briefcases when it must compete with slogans of this quality - slogans you may actually recognize from cereal boxes, computer products and even maxipads.

«Graphictruth - be ready.»
«The Power of Graphictruth.»
«Graphictruth for you!»
«Graphictruth - to feel free!»
«Graphictruth is what the world was waiting for.»

Their next logical offering is a Logo Generator that will create a selection of cutting edge corporate definitions from any scanned image - like a coffee stain, an ink blot or a photocopy made of a drunken executive secretary's buttocks at the last corporate Christmas party.

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Friday, December 21, 2007

Bumperstickers. I Digg Bumperstickers.


From digg , referencing this item
which references this photo:


by jeliel on 11/02/2007

Why the burials, the 127.0.0.1 was truly EPIC
-3 diggsBuryDigg
sgtbutterscotch by sgtbutterscotch on 11/02/2007
I feel dumb, what does that mean?

Being something of a geek myself, I will first digg this, and then stumble the whole.



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Thursday, December 13, 2007

A Tribute To Our Patron Saint

Update: Zazzle deleted this product because the image "violated Mae West's Celebrity Rights."
I was shocked.

Mae West: Those who are easily shocked... shirt


Mae West: Those who are easily shocked...
by

webcarve


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Friday, November 30, 2007

The Perodic Table of Booze

Behold: A think of beauty with no relevence to Graphictruth whatsover - other than the fact that it made me snort aloud:

I present to you The Periodic Table of Booze!










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Sunday, September 23, 2007

Five Brothers

video

Crooks and Liars reports:


Mitt Romney’s campaign is running a contest asking people to create political ads using material found at his campaign website. Slate V took them up on the challenge, knocking one out of the park with their ad — Five Brothers. (short advertisement at the beginning) Poor Mitt will never live this one down…
This is just too funny - and Romney is just too vulnerable to it. But in all fairness, nobody on either side with a decent website could come out looking good, given this invitation for a sucker punch.

I wonder who's bright idea this was? After the W sticker fiasco, and the widespread mockery Clinton got for putting the selection of her Campaign song up for public comment, you would think everyone would know better by now.


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Sunday, August 26, 2007

JR Dunn's True Top Ten Engagement Ring Downers


"Fruit Salad" Diamond Ring
Originally uploaded by diamond_girl_77.


I dropped by Payperpost this morning and to my delight found something that promised some comic relief.

I don't care WHERE I find things like this, the insights into human nature they represent are useful - and tragicomic. Of all the things in the universe you would think people would be careful not to screw up, it would have to be buying a diamond engagement ring. Three months salary is a severe chunk of change for most of us - even if we card it.

But there's some amazingly stupid people out there! Every business person has a list just like this...

Via J.R.Dunn's Jewelry Blog

Is your engagement headed for the rocks?

If you are guilty of one of the following there is a chance your engagement might be doomed. We have compiled this top ten list from real life examples that we hear quite often in our line of work at the jewelry store.

Top ten hints your engagement might be doomed:

10. You proposed after she moved out.

9. You maxed out your credit cards to buy her engagement ring while saying “she’s not into material things.”

8. You bought her a CZ (Cubic Zirconia) thinking she’ll never know.

7. You’re 60 and she’s 20.

6. You proposed while drunk and promised to buy the ring later.

5. You asked out the sales lady who was helping you with your engagement ring purchase.

4. She wanted a round diamond and you bought a marquise because you like it better.

3. You offered to pay for breast augmentation instead of a ring.

2. You got to know her while dating her mom.

1. She finds out you are already married.

And you thought hairdressers knew it all!


Now, some day I've gotta go down to one of the Reno wedding chapels and seek out some more stories, but I bet you that they will sound pretty much like these. I mean, Nevada is the CAPITAL of Doin' it for the Wrong Reasons. We are the nexus of heterosexual sin. Hell, son, we can get Elvis to marry you and your pregnant bride!

So I'm sure There Are Stories. But when diamonds, the symbol of permanence and eternal commitment are involved, it's just that much more significant.

The picture is courtesy of J.R.Dunn's flickr stream - and would you believe, they have not ONE engagement ring featured?

I guess they think it might just be bad luck or something.

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Thursday, August 02, 2007

John, John, why persecuteth thou me?

Mike Savage needs a hug. He's clearly gotten all tense and irrational, though I should resist suggesting that he could benefit from some Hot Savage Love. I wouldn't wish to presume upon Dan Savage's sense of decency and propriety. (Dan Savage is the Liberal answer to Michael Savage and is therefore completely unsafe for work outside of Portland, Seattle and San Fransisco.)


Media Matters - Savage: "You're telling me there's no possibility of a conspiracy by the Democrats" to cause Roberts' seizure?: "Savage asked, 'Am I to believe there's no connection between Charles Schumer on Friday saying he would never appoint, or never, excuse me, approve another Bush appointment to the court, to any court? And then the chief justice suffers a so-called seizure two days later? You're telling me there's no possibility of a conspiracy by the Democrats to have caused this seizure in some manner?' He added: 'Tell me it's not possible, and I'll tell you you're a liar.'"

I should point out that it's pretty clever rhetoric, too. Can I definitely state it's impossible? Nope. I'm a pretty good rhetorician myself, but even I can't prove a negative.

I cannot prove that 9/11 was not a conspiracy. Actually, it had to be a conspiracy, the open question is "by whom and to what end?" But likewise, absent much relevant evidence to rule it out, I cannot prove it was not a conspiracy that included Bush and Cheney.

See how this works?

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. It's just absence of evidence - and the only thing we can say for sure is "we don't know." And therefore, if we deny his claim as absurd, he actually can characterize it as dishonest. We can only honestly take bets on the likelihood of some possible causative factor. So I cannot HONESTLY rule out the possibility that John Roberts was fed something to trigger a seizure, any more, than, say, I can rule out that the seizure was caused by the stress of a troubled conscience or sheer, overwhelming cognitive dissonance.

I would have to say that stress of some type - either physical or mental - is more probable than, say, a liberal getting their hands on a drug or device that would trigger a seizure at a particular place and in a particularly convenient point in the news cycle.

I'd have to render it as being as likely an occurrence - I mean, in terms of predictability and certainty of causation - as Paul being struck down on the Road to Damascus.

Come to think of it, Paul, prior to his seizure, enjoyed a social role not entirely unlike that Roberts has played over the years. I suppose the only way to come to even a tentative speculation is to see what Roberts' rulings look like in the coming years.

But as for "Dr." Savage - Well, let's just say I smell the funk that comes from seeing the end of the gravy train in the near distance. Savage, like the rest of the remaining Right Wing noise machine, are a remaining fringe speaking to a an ever-diminishing fringe, with the general ratings of right-wing talk and tabloid formats plunging like stunned ducks.

If they manage to convince themselves of what they say enough to be convincing to their remaining audience, I presume it's either due to medication, or the lack of it. And in Savage's case, I think that, unlike Rush or O'Rielly, it's due to a clear absence of essential medication!

Yes, folks, marijuana (and to a lesser, but significant extent, Cuban seed and Dominican tobaccos) are appropriate herbal treatments for bilious humors, while alcohol is contraindicated.

So, as a caring gesture, why don't you send him a nice, big black cigar...

Cohiba Black Churchill 49*7''

...and tell him to suck on it.

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Friday, July 27, 2007

Well, there went the family values voters....

Vittter is mocked in The Hill for attempting to rebrand himself the Republican Party as "Fiscal Conservatives.


TheHill.com - Senate GOP to Vitter: We’ll handle the Republican reputation from here, thanks: "Senate GOP to Vitter: We’ll handle the Republican reputation from here, thanks
By Daphne Retter
July 26, 2007

Oh, how we would have liked to have been a fly on the wall when Sen. David Vitter (R-La.) rose to speak during a Tuesday policy lunch.

Only seven days earlier, he had delivered a heartfelt apology at the same weekly meeting. Fellow Republicans responded with thunderous applause, and most refused to tell reporters how Vitter had addressed his forced public admission that he had committed a “serious sin” and was linked to an alleged prostitution ring.

So just imagine their confusion when Vitter scrambled to his feet a week later. Would he apologize again? Had he committed some new sin?

But no. Instead, he launched into a speech about his thoughts on “rebranding” the party by reclaiming the fiscal conservative mantle.

Yes, that’s right: Vitter, on improving the Republican image.

This time, his colleagues held the applause."


Of course they will all try to fly Vitter's lead kite themselves. Gee, the only topic where they have LESS credibility that on "traditional family values;" fiscal responsibility.


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Speaking of health care: Cheney's Pre-Existing Condition

Cheney to get new defibrillator Saturday | Reuters

Clearly there's a widespread shortage of the still-beating hearts of unbaptized infants....


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Monday, June 25, 2007

Free Ads for your blog or t-shirt site

Would you like an ad this size on a high-traffic website for a year - for free? I don't know about you, but my first reaction is "duh," and the next is "what's the catch?"Truth has a well-known Libertarian Bias

Well, as long as you don't mind your ad being shown below the paid ads - there IS no catch. Depending on your keywords, it might not matter a damn whether you pay or not. Full disclosure - I'm getting a bump on the site for blogging about it, but I probably would have done so anyway, as I generally do when something new shows up in my template. And the bump is available to you as well. I mean, how else do they make it a useful resource?

I can use their RSS feed widget to gain links for my site that are highly relevant to my site by keyword. And just incidentally, they have a referral program.

You can reserve your ad for as long as you like - I chose a year. You are able to update it as often as you like. The concept is very similar to the whole "million dollar home page" concept, but its - well, it's bigger, and a lot more flexible, providing what amounts to a visual search engine by keyword.

I honestly have to say - you should be using it, and you should be talking about it, even if you have nothing to "sell" but your own blog. Right now, that's the single most important category, anyhow.

The reason I stumbled upon it is that I was casting about for scripts to start my own pixil page ad site - not so much for pay, as to create a simple way of managing link images for my site - you know, all those damn chicklets, served up with one bit of code. A script is a lot easier to manage than editing html, which is what I have to do right now. And potentially, even something of an art project.

But that's for another day. I got distracted by this, so I'm gonna go play with it some more.

Shiny thing.


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Thursday, June 21, 2007

Burn Notice Short Story Assignment.




Every once in a while, there's a PayPerPost assignment that really demands that I share, so ladies and gentlemen, here's your assignment, courtesy USA Network's Burn Notice

Posties, what if you worked for the CIA and were fired? Starting June 28th Michael Weston, a CIA Operative on USA Network's new TV series, Burn Notice, will experience the dreaded firing.

Write a fictional short story telling us why and how he was fired. Since we're talking about the CIA.... let's be creative!

Direct your readers to http://www.usanetwork.com/series/burnnotice to find out the true story behind his termination.


Click "Read More" to see what origin scenario a cynical anti-authoritarian would set up. I have made a point of not reading their setup; the fun is going to be seeing how far from the mark, or how close TO the mark I was.

If you have been thinking about clicking that "review this post" link, why not do it now? It's an elegant way to strut your stuff.

But if you feel altruistic, just drop YOUR scenario into the comments.

Yes, your scenario could easily include political figures like Ron Paul, but I think that's a bit of a stretch. Likewise, 9/11 conspiracies - a bit obvious. Reptilian aliens ruling the world - SO X-files. For an assignment like this, I wanted something that is both completely plausible and completely unbelievable.



Protagonist is a CIA Agent who is doing some Counter Intelligence deskwork between foreign postings, and is tracking paper trails of known and suspected terrorst organizations. That is to say, the trails that are so unlikely as to either to be a complete waste of time - or the minimal, almost undetectable trails of actual professionals.

Due to a computer glitch, typo, or some other means (tech) protagonist is directed to the wrong file, and before he can gouge out his eyeballs, he's discovered that Keelie Kurtus of the "Platinum Network" is a fellow covert operative, and that network is and always has been a covert government organization, predating the CIA!

Unauthorized knowledge of the existence of this operation is sanctionable, and the glitch doesn't prevent all kinds of alarms going off.

CIA won't simply give him up to the American Television Company but they won't get in their way, either; the "burn notice" is their way of giving him enough warning to get the hell out of town and resolve the situation - even as the Secretary Disavows All Knowledge.


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Thursday, June 14, 2007

At CBS, the Eighth Deadly Word is "gays."

Mass. Lawmakers Block Gay Marriage Vote, Constitutional Amendment Would Have Let Voters Decide Whether To Ban Gay Marriage - CBS News: "Mass. Lawmakers Block Gay Marriage Vote"

Great story and all that, hurrah, triumph for civil liberties... but the REALLY funny part is that CBS is censoring the comments submitted by readers, and one of the words censored is "gays." Now, I was not aware that "gays" was deemed an offensive word. And it does rather make it awkward to write coherently about the right to gay marriage without, you know, THE FUCKING PLURAL FORM!

But I guess that's their objection, that if they DID allow the word "gays," somehow their readers would jump to the conclusion that The Grey Lady was approving of plural gay fucking within the sanctity of marriage.

However, as I pointed out in my own somewhat incoherent comment, designed to determine if self-censorship were at work, or if CBS was being bizarrely prudish.

um. What's this with censoring the words "gay" and "***?" If it's self-censorship, it's silly, if it's CBS, it's freakin' bizarre.

Well, we will see which it is after I punch the send button. Meanwhile, a wry observation that if marrage were to be officially linked to particular sexual practices, I doubt more than ten percent of the population WOULD be legally qualified to marry.
It's both bizarrely prudish and freakin' bizarre, so it's off to Fark and the Rude Pundit to help spread the gleeful mockery.

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Friday, June 08, 2007

Spoko observes:

Spocko is a stumbleupon buddy o' mine; it's a great way for bloggers to inflict - I mean share stories and links with a bit of explanation. I had to laugh out loud at this - and I'm far from being an athiest! But it does help to be able to think outside of the "big box church!"


StumbleUpon » Spocko's web site reviews and blog:

"Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and 'dehumanized' when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the 'atrocities' attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in 'Exodus' and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in 'Joshua' including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
Oh, I have a couple-three nits to pick, here and there. I believe in prayer (theurgy) as well as magic, (thaumaturgy) and I do not think 0.001% is a plausible success rate. Regarding both phenomonae; aboriginal people did not have food to waste on useless individuals - and a shaman can be pretty damn useless in any respect other than shamanism. Same for Priests and Magicians. Now, all sorts are notorious for putting a thumb on the scale of public opinion - but you just can't fool all of the people, all of the time.

But none of the intuitive arts - and in "intuitive arts" I also include such disciplines as "teacher" and "psycologist" - can ever aspire to truly reproducable results, actually falsifiable theories or indeed, immunity from skeptical derision.

I should also note that while this is a fairly accurate assessment of a certain sort of mean-spirited, judgemental, self-rightious idiot, that all the hallmarks of it are actually mocked and derided IN the Bible, by Jesus. Make of that what you will - and I notice there seems to be a similar dissonance between what the Koran says and what certain folk who call themselvs Islamic (or even Imam) would like to tell you it says.

SSDR.


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